i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
