Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
