No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
