I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dick very happy bro
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
