I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
