His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
