i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And then he peed in my hair
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