so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
