If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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