Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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