I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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