Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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