need another drink. this is the easiest way
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
