So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
