I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
