his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
