you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
