If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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