Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
