i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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