thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
