I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
