I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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