I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She just used a chaser for red wine.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're like the curious george of whores
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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