I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
