so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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