those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
