.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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