Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
