Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
