First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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