hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
