Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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