this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
