So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
