we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
