Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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