i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
