woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
