Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize