You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i now understand why vodka
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
