Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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