So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
