whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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