So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
