My balls are so social today.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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