The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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