who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
