just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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