OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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