i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
