shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
