I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
