Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
