Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
