I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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