Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
