It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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