i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it glows. i had to have it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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